Why Lupita Nyong'o Is My Hero

In addition to giving an amazing performance in 12 Years a Slave, winning and Oscar last night, and being a generally brilliant and wonderful person, Lupita Nyong'o gave a heart-wrenching and poignant award acceptance speech at the Black Women in Hollywood luncheon a few days ago.

During her acceptance speech at the Black Women in Hollywood luncheon, Lupita (I refer to her as her first name not as a sign of disrespect but because in my head we're best friends and therefore on a first name basis, naturally) begins by sharing a letter from a fan. This fan thanks Lupita, because she was about to bleach her skin until she saw Lupita, a beautiful dark-skinned woman, in the media.

Lupita then went on to share her own struggles with norms of beauty and how she used to pray to god every night that she would wake up with lighter skin. This heartbreaking story about her childhood prayer struck a chord with me, as I remember my own struggles with norms of beauty as a child. I've always been embarrassed by my struggles. But hearing Lupita speak so honestly and so vulnerably makes me think that it's time to stop being embarrassed because talking about these struggles can be so much more productive.

My mother read my journal one day when I was 11. She was livid when she came across something that indicated that I wanted to be white. She yelled at me and made me swear never to let my father know what I had written because "it would kill him." At the time I was afraid and confused and ashamed, but in retrospect I don't blame my mother for her reaction because I know reading that must have broken her heart. She wasn't really angry with me, I think she was angry that her daughter had to grow up in a world facing racism and constant messaging that her child was not good enough and could never be good enough. I think she felt helpless as she realized that no amount of support and encouragement at home could protect me from the world in which I lived.

 I have no recollection of ever having written that journal entry, but thinking back on my childhood I'm not surprised that I did. I grew up in predominately white environments, often finding myself to be the only student of color in my classes. I suffered relentless bullying for years of my life and wanted nothing more than to just blend in. I hated being different and I hated that my difference was on my skin for all to see. And it wasn't just that all of my peers were white, but that all of the images of "beautiful" and successful women on TV and in magazines were white.

We NEED more strong, beautiful, black women as role models. We need to spend more time highlighting the amazing work of ALL women, rather than obsessing over their bodies and reserving the spotlight for women who fit the mold (i.e. young, white, thin, etc). We need to redefine beauty for ourselves and to openly share our experiences of difference, so that the next generation of girls might not suffer as we did.

Blackface

Just don’t do it. You may think it’s funny and harmless, but it’s really not. Do you really want to join the ranks of racists, such as the minstrel actors of the 19^th century that guy who dressed up as dead Trayvon Martin for Halloween? I don’t think there is any hope for that guy who dressed up as Trayvon Martin and his horrid friends. Their actions show such a profound hatred and disrespect as they eagerly and joyfully recreate the violence perpetrated on the black community. They’re lost causes.

But for other people, people who aren’t hateful to the core, what on earth would possess you to engage in this racist tradition? Last night I went to sleep crying after watching and episode of 30 Rock in which one of the characters dressed up in blackface for Halloween. That act in and of itself is seemingly benign, but it doesn’t exist in a vacuum. It exists within this troubling history and very real current problem of racism in the United States. By referencing that deeply racist tradition, even in jest, you are reinflicting wounds, the depths of which you cannot even begin to understand.

Total-lack-of Representation

That's right, I'm not talking about an "Miss Representation." I am talking about being so severely underrepresented in mainstream media that at times I wonder how it is even possible to dismiss and erase the experiences of non-white, non-straight people in mainstream media. Sometimes I find myself having a sort of existential crisis when I am watching one of my favorite scifi shows where you have all sorts of fantastical creatures, magic, and a total disregard for silly rules like gravity, every so often between the action scenes and suspense I realize that there is no place for me even in that fantastical world where seemingly all things are possible. There may be talking dragons, but there are absolutely no strong, nuanced characters of color. Teleportation, time travel, no problem! Well, come to think of it, queer characters of color are almost never a problem ever because we simply fail to exist!!!!!!!!!

Oftentimes it's just a game where my wife and I place bets on how long before they kill off the only character of color. Our half-joking remarks are nothing more than an attempt to lighten the horribly depressing fact of the matter: that characters of color are formulaically expendable and disposable.

While I continually find myself shocked (though I really shouldn't be at this point) and appalled (I refuse to desensitize myself to sexist, racist, and heterosexist representations) in television and films, I have pretty low expectations in terms of mass media. However, seeing these same patterns perpetuated in young adult literature under the guise of providing girls with strong role models makes my blood boil.

P.S. The above is a post I drafted but never published about a year ago. Now Sleepy Hollow exists and I have newfound hope! Characters of color, standing around talking to each other! And not just as token stock characters, as real dynamic characters with complex histories who drive the plot! I feel warm fuzzies like that time when Gina Torres was kicking as on Firefly :-D

Hilariously Accurate Explanation of "Reverse Racism"

I know this has been circulating for quite a while now, but I just need to post it because Aamer Rahman perfectly explains the concept of "Reverse Racism." I wish I had this clip on hand years ago to direct people to instead of trying to have this infuriating conversation while trying to keep my head from exploding.