In addition to giving an amazing performance in 12 Years a Slave, winning and Oscar last night, and being a generally brilliant and wonderful person, Lupita Nyong'o gave a heart-wrenching and poignant award acceptance speech at the Black Women in Hollywood luncheon a few days ago.
During her acceptance speech at the Black Women in Hollywood luncheon, Lupita (I refer to her as her first name not as a sign of disrespect but because in my head we're best friends and therefore on a first name basis, naturally) begins by sharing a letter from a fan. This fan thanks Lupita, because she was about to bleach her skin until she saw Lupita, a beautiful dark-skinned woman, in the media.
Lupita then went on to share her own struggles with norms of beauty and how she used to pray to god every night that she would wake up with lighter skin. This heartbreaking story about her childhood prayer struck a chord with me, as I remember my own struggles with norms of beauty as a child. I've always been embarrassed by my struggles. But hearing Lupita speak so honestly and so vulnerably makes me think that it's time to stop being embarrassed because talking about these struggles can be so much more productive.
My mother read my journal one day when I was 11. She was livid when she came across something that indicated that I wanted to be white. She yelled at me and made me swear never to let my father know what I had written because "it would kill him." At the time I was afraid and confused and ashamed, but in retrospect I don't blame my mother for her reaction because I know reading that must have broken her heart. She wasn't really angry with me, I think she was angry that her daughter had to grow up in a world facing racism and constant messaging that her child was not good enough and could never be good enough. I think she felt helpless as she realized that no amount of support and encouragement at home could protect me from the world in which I lived.
I have no recollection of ever having written that journal entry, but thinking back on my childhood I'm not surprised that I did. I grew up in predominately white environments, often finding myself to be the only student of color in my classes. I suffered relentless bullying for years of my life and wanted nothing more than to just blend in. I hated being different and I hated that my difference was on my skin for all to see. And it wasn't just that all of my peers were white, but that all of the images of "beautiful" and successful women on TV and in magazines were white.
We NEED more strong, beautiful, black women as role models. We need to spend more time highlighting the amazing work of ALL women, rather than obsessing over their bodies and reserving the spotlight for women who fit the mold (i.e. young, white, thin, etc). We need to redefine beauty for ourselves and to openly share our experiences of difference, so that the next generation of girls might not suffer as we did.
